How to Care for Someone Suffering with Dementia

How to Care for Someone Suffering with Dementia


– Every three seconds someone
in the world develops dementia and when it happens to someone you love, the impact can be truly
devastating, take a look. – Oh, my God no. You don’t remember the names. Have I done anything wrong? Oh, I’m sorry. – [Ashlee] That’s okay, don’t be sorry. I just recently moved my
87 year old Grandmother who suffers from dementia, into our home four weeks ago. She was diagnosed about five years ago. She was doing fine until just recently when she started to sun-down at night. Sun-downing is when you
become more confused when the sun sets. She was actually found in her closet, scared, confused, delusional, crying. (dramatic music) When we first moved her in I
was feeling like I can do this and by the end of the first night, I was upstairs in my
room crying hysterical, scared roller coaster of emotions. My Grandmother can’t remember
to take her medicine, use the bathroom alone, get dressed. She can’t walk without assistance, She cannot retain anything you tell her. What’s his name? – Who’s he? – [Ashlee] No, his name is Dominick. – Dominick? – [Ashlee] Yeah, Frisky was your dog. – Dominick. – [Ashlee] That’s right, Dominick. Sometimes it’s like overwhelming. She was sitting with my son
and he’s learning his letters. They’re doing the letter
D, she thought it was B. – This is D and this is B. – [Ashley] No.
– No, this is B. – I feel horrible that she’s confused. You live here with us remember? – Oh, God no, do I really? – [Ashlee] Yeah. When I was a kid she’d
host magnificent Christmas’ and holiday dinners. It’s hard to see the woman who raised me, the woman who was the glue
to our family, fall apart. (laughing) – He gets wild. – She’s a super amazing woman. She’s always smiling. She’s always trying to make jokes. (laughing) – Toot toot (laughing). – Noni this is not teeth,
this is a tongue look. (Laughing) – She has a kind soul. It’s harder than I expected it. I don’t know how to be a
caregiver, and a wife, and a Mom. – I love you Noni. – And I love you. (soft music) (audience clapping) – Ashlee joins us today
along with Registered Nurse, Certified Dementia care trainer, and author of I Love
Someone with Dementia, So Why Am I Losing My Mind? Beth Friesen. And Ashlee, first thing
I want to say to you is your Grandmother is so lucky to have you and I know she knows how much you care. – Thank you.
(audience clapping) – You’re a super Granddaughter, a super Mom, and you’re
just doing the best you can. – [Ashlee] Trying, trying. – And, in saying, how is
your Grandmother doing? – She’s doing okay,
she adapting right now. Every day is a new adventure, I guess is the word, or a new challenge, I guess is the word. You know, she never wore diapers,
now she’s wearing diapers. She used to take a shower,
she refuses to take a shower. So we’re trying our best. We do have, Medicare is sending us an aid an hour a day, twice a week. – Okay. – So that helps me for that one hour but it’s not gonna last. – And you’re here looking for answers because there’s no right or
wrong way to be the caregiver. You have Beth sitting next to you, and you’ve been through this Beth, so you understand everything
that Ashlee is going through. – I have, my mother had Alzheimer’s
and passed away in 2014. We really felt that we were on an island, that we didn’t know what
to do, where to turn. We started doing a lot of research and investigation on our own. And even for myself as a Registered Nurse, this wasn’t my area, I didn’t know. And so, before my Mother passed away, she about 19 days before she passed, she had an iconic notebook moment, if you’ve seen that movie. And she told me all the things that a daughter would ever want to hear and then she gave me some instructions. She said, “you take good
care of your people”. – What advice do you have for Ashlee because she’s doing so much and
she’s doing all that she can and there’s this feeling of
always being overwhelmed. – And the best advice that
I can give to Ashlee is you cannot pour from an empty cup. And so you have to take care of yourself, while you are taking care of others. And whether that’s bringing
some help into the home so that you can get out, enjoy some activities that you love to do. Spend some one on one time with your son. It takes a village to do this, this is not a sprint,
it’s a daily marathon.

10 Comments

  • MS. THOMAS says:

    This is so sad😢

  • Gacha ŚËà says:

    Poor women I can’t imagine dealing with that, I would be crying I hate seeing old people confused or sad

  • G G says:

    I really love to care for old people or kids, I’m looking for employment. Anyone who is looking for a worker please write to me ur email and i will send you my cv. Thanks 🙏🏻

  • K K says:

    I take care of someone with Alzheimer’s. It’s the saddest thing. I cry with her all the time 🙁

  • singspiration12 says:

    When she said her grandmother heard a "B" and it was really a "D", I thought, "She needs to take her to get a hearing test." Hearing loss goes along with dementia or Alzheimers. My Dad had dementia and my advice would be, Be patient. Fight only the big battles. For instance, let her call the dog whatever name she wants! The dog won't pay attention if it's called the wrong name. To avoid agitation, tell a kind fib. If the patient wants to see her sister (who is dead), say she is on vacation or visiting a friend right now, rather than repeatedly telling her her sister died years ago. Then, redirect her thoughts – "Oh, it's getting late, we need to go in and eat dinner." "Let's look at the pictures in the photo album." Medication can help with memory and sleeping. Getting the patient to shower frequently is very difficult – you may have to say the health department requires them to take a shower daily. The worst problem with dementia is not diapers, it is when the patient eliminates in the wrong places or in copious amounts. I applaud anyone who takes their loved one with dementia into their home, as we did. It is hard on the caretakers and hard on the marriage, but you'll never have any regrets later.

  • Kiara Orr says:

    RIP Grandma ❤️

  • Tina Harden says:

    NONI……. 😭😭😭. I love and miss my Noni

  • Boowt Bwj says:

    I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 18 YEARS NOW…I TELL YOU ITS A SACRIFICE…YOUR TIME YOUR PATIENCE YOUR TRUST YOUR ALL…
    ONE DAY I WILL PUT OUT MY BOOK AND OWN STORY TO SHARE BUT IN THE MEAN TIME I MUST CARE FOR HER…
    SHE HAS DEMENTIA NOW PARKINSON'S DISEASE
    WHEELCHAIR
    /WALKER BEDRIDDEN I TELL U IT
    SOMETHIN WHEN WE CLIMB STAIRS MAYBE 3 OR 4 STEPS..I TAKE HER OUT OF THE CHAIR AND TELL HER "B" HOLD TO ME
    TIGHTLY DONT LET GO I GOT U AND I LITERALLY
    CARRY HER UP THOSE FEW STEPS BACK INTO HER WHEELCHAIR…SEEMS LIKE A MOUNTAIN EVEREST I CLIMBED WITH HER….PEOPLE SAY TO ME ALL THE TIME SHE IS SO BLESSED AND LUCKY TO HAVE YOU….
    I JUST SMILE AND SAY LITTLE DO THEY KNOW
    IT'S A SACRIFICE OF LOVE
    TILL SHE CLOSES HER EYES ONE DAY AND GO OFF IN SILENCE….THEN I CAN SAY WELL DONE WELL DONE U CARRIED HER TO THE END WITH DIGNITY AND INTO HER GOLDEN YEARS….
    SHE 88 I'M 65 SHE CAUSAION IM COLORED
    BRONZE/ BLACK AND A SHADE OF TAN..
    RACE NEVER MATTERED TO ME AS U CAN SEE….
    jb.shalom

  • krisisnkaos says:

    Your advice at the end is all well and good, but it doesn’t sound like she can afford the help. 🙁 What then?

  • Levi Cheezehpoofs says:

    I can't imagine being that confused and scared. Poor lady <3

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